considering a move

zowie. the look of my blog and the look of blogger is suddenly different. new. exciting! since change is good, new, and exciting, maybe I'll just ignore the fact that I'm failing to capitalize the first letter in each sentence.
or is that "capitolize"?
no, that's ridiculous, forget I asked.
I remember when I was pretty happy getting a GIJoe tank or F-14 fighter jet for christmas. legos were always welcome too, cause I could never have enough wheels or turny-plates in the stash. actually; I think long, wide, and flat pieces were the hardest to come by. did you ever try to build a roof out of a gazillion small flat pieces overlapping? pain in the ass I tell you. well, that's beside the point. the point is, while I'd still love to find Roadblock and his 50mm 'neath the tree this christmas, what I really want is a place of my own. instead of a one time purchase of two dollars and 50 cents, my latest christmas wish is bound to cost as much as $550 a month. think of the Joes a person could buy with that kind of money...just think....
ehhem. I'm a picky person when it comes to the stuff I want. I'm not going to want just any ol' thing. I'd worry that my problem is less of a picky thing and more of a lack of desire thing if it wasn't for the fact that I reallly reallly want the things I want... hopefully you get the distinction. sure, there's a heck of a lot of stuff that I consider "crap" after little more than a sideways glance-certain clothing, apartments, bikes, policies of the bush administration, the like-;but my fondness for the things I settle my gaze upon is great enough to outshine the negativity of my dismissing %99 of what the human race has conjured up till this point. get it? I'm a positive person after all. a positive, yet picky person.
so here's the challenge. so many apartments are crap. so many apartments are in crap locations. so many apartments cost a crap load of money. and what makes it a greater challenge to satisfy this christmas wish of mine is that the apartment I currently live in is fantastic.
reason is not on my side, in my pursuit of the next great living space.
it doesn't make much sense, moving out of an apartment that offers me free internet, cable tv, utilities, exercise room, and swimming pool for a measley $356 a month. why would anyone give up an enormous two story "rowhouse" just minutes from downtown, work, and the grocery store when that rowhouse is affordable and convenient in every possible way? what's my deal? I've got the world's easiest going roommate. The mild mannered Eric is a much better roomate than my previous schizophrenic roommate. Eric's an old friend too.
Well, I want to be even closer to downtown, if not in it. I want to live in an even older building. I want to feel time, history ooze out of its wood, stone, plumbing, and lighting fixtures. I want to feel the spirits of past residents move through the air surrounding me. I want to live where profound things have been happening for a century or more-politics, business, supreme leisure; among the luxuries of big money, and the weight of big ideas. Everything from the shrubbery around its foundation to the accummulation of pigeon poo on its shingles must speak to the age of the building I want to live in.
is it asking too much?
am I being too picky?
so, there's an apartment that just about fits the bill. its the cutest thing I've ever seen. its got a teany tiny kitchen and a miniscual bathroom. there's room to manuever just fine in the living room. the room that matters the most, the bedroom, is big enough to safely engage in bedroom activities. a queen-size bed fits with room to spare. and the cost?: $270 a month plus electric.
the apartment is in the same building (or oversized sectioned off house) as that of my girlfriend's apartment. there's a concern that we both have about the preservation of a feeling of independence-or a relative aloneness in the world-that we place quite a high value on. This somewhat subtle, important feeling is at risk with the potential relocation of me. There are many reasons that Jennifer and I have come up with for not living together, many more reasons than just the preservation of our privacy and finer sense of independence. By moving into an apartment which is literally a few dozen steps away from my girlfriend's bedroom, I gather I'd be choosing to ignore all of those great reasons from seperate housing.
While Jennifer and I's happiness (and pleasure) together (as well as apart), is my number one concern, the danger of becoming too close to each other (spacialy) isn't my biggest worry regarding moving into the apartment. Who knows? Maybe it wouldn't be a deal at all? Due consideration has led me to conclude that it could be a negative deal after all, and I don't like to play around with negativity in my relationship with the Fern. Capice? Anyway, the biggest worry I have is that I'd be miserable after a few months, knowing what I had given up: The space for all my bikes. The space to lay out on my living room floor with my girlfriend. Space for visitors, even parties. The ease of walking off the sidewalk into my front door with my bike. The almost constant quiet.
The 15 second walk to the laundromat.
I wish it didn't make so much sense to not move to that apartment. I guess I'll eventually be glad I didn't when I find something just as cute, just as historic, that's much more spacious.