This Little Piggy...

Last night I dreamt that four toes on my right foot had fallen off. I think I had lost a couple on the left foot as well. Something so shocking as looking down and seeing only one stubby toe wriggle when all toes are commanded to wriggle is cause for doubting what one is seeing. And I did doubt. I was a responsible dreamer. And intelligent. Not gullible at all. As I gauked at the grotesque stump that was my foot, I considered the possibility that I was drunk, insane, or even (eh hem) dreaming. I said, dreaming. But, upon closer inspection, I concluded that yes, that grotesque stump was in fact my foot, and that, yes, it was %100 real, and, finally, yes, I was truly fucked. I was so convinced of this fact that I proceeded to think very rationally about the whole affair and how it would affect my life. I thought about what would have caused the toes to leave my body. A particularly nasty type of diabetes, I concluded. I thought about whether or not I would be able to walk, run, or hike like I had been able to when I was whole. To find out, I stood up and did a few jigs, side to side sort of motions, and found that while I wasn't able to push off each foot as purposefully as before, I was able to balance and move around well enough. I thought about where the toes were now and realized that my room was a little messy. They could be anywhere. Under my dirty clothes. Within the pile of shoes next to my bed (uhg!). Under my bed. In the sheets (ahk!). I also couldn't help but wonder if my girlfriend would still be my girlfriend after she got a chance to take in the horror of it all for herself. I thought rationally about this. Could she lie next to a freak o' nature with 5 toes, total? Could I, if things were reversed. I remember thinking that maybe after 4 months, Jennifer might like me enough to want to stick around, despite the fact that her boyfriend was a grotesque cripple. But I wasn't sure. What I was sure of, evidently, was that this retarded dream wasn't a dream. It was real. I was so convinced of this that I remember thinking about how loosing my toes most certainly meant that this thing called life was accelerating towards death much quicker than I had expected. I thought that at this rate, I'd be one of those living stumps recklessly piloting his electric Rascal around town in a few short years. So, naturally, I told myself that I'd need to start thinking about offing myself fairly soon.
At some point, I woke up, wriggled all ten toes, and felt very silly about the whole thing.