Faith in Brilliance

What the?!- I'm stuck in tiny font! It was an accident, and now the computer won't let me change back to "Normal Size." This is like a bad dream. Alice and Wonderland shit. Is this better? Thank you Jesus.
As I was about to say: I think I'll take myself down to the Flying M and attempt to be creative. I'll bring a sketch book, journal, maybe some fiction, and possibly some nonfiction. Something to nurse every possible mood I'm capable of falling into. I mean, except for the mood "horny." I'll have to deal with that somewhere other than atop the M's cushy leather couch. As liberal as the M is, I suspect that "reading" Penthouse within the shop's doors might actually force one of its too-liberal-for-school baristas to do something they never thought they'd do-engage in censorship. On the other hand, if they're like me (too-liberal-fo-yo-mama...?), they'd just sit back and enjoy the show.
I apologize for that.
Let me get back to something like a point. I want, I need, to do something creative. I'm sure everyone reading understands. Most people need a creative outlet. We all need to express ourselves in a way that transcends our normal day to day communication. Art is to conversation as conversation is to small talk. Or so says I. Regardless of whether or not my last statement is valid, I think we can all agree that in order to feel good, and feel good about ourselves, most of us need to create. Ok, so here's the issue: creating can be a struggle. It can be work. Here's a related issue: we've been missled into thinking that something called "brilliance" will cause us to produce something profound and beautiful over night. Personally, I'm getting sick of having faith in brilliance. I'm tired of sitting around waiting for it to tap me on the shoulder and say, "er, excuse me sir, but here is that masterpiece you've been expecting." Its just not that easy and it most likely never will be. Fate does not owe me a masterpiece. The sum of all the emotional pain I've experienced will not someday spill out onto canvass as an instant classic.
Creating can be effortless, but its not supposed to be. And we're not supposed to be able to create something amazing effortlessly, especially within a given period of time. If we won't be satisfied expressing ourselves in a manner of average quality, then the bare minimum we must do is accept that it may take years or decades to become capable of greatness. It takes patience. And possibly a complete abandonment of expectations. But I think its best to remain in state of expectation/excitement over our future work-the stuff we know we'll create and love if we stay committed to art-if we keep playing with art and working with art-if we make it a part of our lives. The quality of our art will progress over time. Its also possible that we could produce something great today. So, logically speaking, the excitement we have for creating something new or great should remain at a pretty high level each and every day. There's a degree of unpredictability about the whole creative process. Maybe I'll take my own words to heart and become more excited about drawing, painting, and writing.
In the end though, my mood and my creativity are not governed by logic. So, I can't make myself feel happy simply by thinking about creating something cool sometime down the road. And, like Stewart Smiley, I'm ok with that. I'll sit down with a pen and paper when I find the time, and I'll go at it. I'll draw and write and paint when I feel creative, and I'll do the same when I don't feel very creative. When its a struggle I'll work at it with patience. I won't do anything when I simply can't do anything. (Its possible to be physically/mentally incapable of creating) I'll try to remember that those times are going to happen...
Ok, clearly I'm in "self help" mode this morning. I think I'll help myself to a mocha and chocolate chip cookie now. bye.