I just accomplished a small errand. I rode my bike back to 7/11 in search of my missing wallet. The clerks didn't have it so I began retracing my route home and soon found it in the chiropractor's parking lot. It lay splayed open with my debit and credit cards dislogded. Relieved, I picked it up, stuck it in my jacket pocket, and zipped the pocket closed.
It was dumb riding my commuter bike with a gallon of milk swaying from the handlebar while guiding my road bike along side with my left hand during which my jacket pocket was unzipped wherein resided my wallet. I won't ever do that again.

Today I became annoyed at stupid holidays when I couldn't gain access to the post office to send off the jeans I ordered online which don't fit me. I also worked. Then I sipped a glass and a half of vino at Opa! with Fern. Afterwards we talked about how she used to think that guys' balls were just a reference to the particular anatomy of the schlong, and how I used to think that women gave birth out their butt holes. Of course, we were both like 17 when we thought these things. Just kidding.

I was thinking about something today that fits in perfectly with the mombo jumbo I sometimes write about in this blog. It pertains to the concept of being "alive". Not just "being", but really feeling "alive". I'm sure you already get it, but just to hone in on the idea some more, I'll use a few examples. Some people really feel alive when they go for a good run, or watch the sunset, or camp out, or read a stimulating book, or play with their newborn baby, or whatever. Perhaps this is painting a more generic picture of what it means to be alive than my original thought. I want to zero in on the word "growth". To be alive in the purest sense is to be growing and develping more than you are dying or loosing it, so to speak. Babies and children are very alive in the most obvious physiological ways. They grow like weeds, their metabolisms are on fire, their full of energy. To be alive mentally, there needs to be growth and a relatively high degree of activity in the brain. Mental/cognitive growth is physiological, primarily. When someone learns something new, neurons connect in the brain, new sequences fire off. This process of learning, as far as I know, doesn't diminish as one ages, as long as one activily seeks to learn and do new things. So, there's a couple of obvious ways to be alive in this growing sense-physical, mental-but there's a more common understanding of the sentiment, and that is doing what one is passionate about or what causes one joy. Someone could be old, crippled, and retarded; but if he/she was engaged in activities that he/she truly loved to do, that brought him/her joy, then most would agree that the old crippled retarded shemale (hehe) would be quite alive-perhaps more so than the average person who has no true passions or interests.
This gets me closer to what I wanted to talk about. I guess. I've said that I want to live a passionate life. I suppose that one might imply from everything I've written that my definition of a passionate life, or really being alive, is being and acting sensually, as well as having fun and experiencing new places and things. Its a pretty generic definition of a passionate life that happens to give away my age, I think. From what I can tell, a lot of young people, as well as older people strive to live this way.
I want to take full advantage of my youth and health by utilizing my physical assets through exercise, play, and pleasure-seeking. I want to share my time with someone who is also youthful and energetic. Essentially, seizing the day for me involves really enjoying myself as much as I can by doing whatever it is I want to do. It may sound simple, shallow, and self centered, but its what I wish for every other living being as well-which is a very unselfish sentiment.
A big anyway is overdue. ANYWAY, it has occurred to me on more than one occassion that I could live my life in other ways. Mainly, my thought is that I could devote my life to the study of something like philosophy, or I could spend all of my time composing music. It is sad that life is so short and that there is only one per person. While I wouldn't change a thing about my life right now, I do have SO many interests. I could feel so alive emmersing myself in any one of a plethora of interests I own. The way this utter-devotion-to-something idea differs from the way so many live their lives is obvious. Right now I live like a lot of people do, because I share the same basic philosophy on life as most--enjoying it as much as it can be enjoyed. But I've always said that I don't want to live a conventional life. While I seek after the same enjoyment as others, I believe that I can still lead an exceptional, unordinary life. The hope to do the ordinary things better and more by living smarter. And I'll constantly have an mind and heart trying to steer me towards the things in live that are novel, new, unusual, and unordinary. I'll keep my interest in the mode of living of artists and scholars, that utter-devotion and singular passion, and tap into it whenever I can.
I guess what started this random thinking was the simple feeling that its just too bad we can't live more lives, just to experiment with all the different ways we could live. My life is great, but I still wonder what it would be like to be born in another country during another time. I wonder what it would be like be a reclusive artist in New York City or a philosophy student in Paris. The wondering part is what's exciting. If it were possible for me to magically be someone else somewhere else, I definately would NOT choose to make the change. Its just that sometimes one life doesn't seem like enough.