Shifting Your Conceptions

One of these days, when you have a brilliant thought while doing the dishes, you'll be able to prompt your home computer vocally and record the thought for posterity. Or as soon as you dry off your hands and make yourself a cup of tea, you may choose to sit down on your couch and really explore the idea thoroughly. It's hard to imagine this technology not making its way into our lives at some point. With voice activation and recognition technology, data storage, search engines like Google, and a myriad of other lifestyle related technologies already developed, it's just a matter of time before we're speaking to our computers and our computers are speaking back. It'll be just like Star Trek the Next Generation, except for the whole flying through outer space thing. Oh, and somehow I doubt we'll abandon our Levis for futuristic onesies.

What if you asked, "Computer, what is showing at the Shakespeare Festival tonight?" and the computer immediately answered back? What if, while riding my bike, I could record a thought like, "If it weren't for men being influenced and changed by women-by women's feminine instincts-humanity would have never risen above its original barbaric state"? What if someone told you the title of a book they just read and you simply recorded it on the spot?

If these things were possible, essentially what you'd have is an advanced, turbo-charged mind. Furthermore, your mind would be less constrained by your body and more interwoven with the collective mind of humanity. This concept, the collective mind, has become more and more useful and appropriate over the past few centuries as books, libraries, the phone, high-speed travel, and the internet have freed our will and our minds of so many natural constraints.

There is no doubt that we live very unnatural lives thanks to technology. With that said, we have yet to know, appreciate, and, most importantly, accept, what it is about us that is in fact natural. We are still largely defined and controlled by our innate programming. Collectively, our genes have been geared towards one thing-keeping generation upon generation of our ancestors alive in the face of the most immediate threats, the storms and tides of life, as well as all gradual global adjustments.

We are the way we are because it is the only way we could be. If our ancestors had been any other way they would have joined the countless life forms which returned to the soil before successfully reproducing. Life on this planet is a billion different stories of how just a few variations of one replicating organism ducked and weaved their way past threat after threat until a billion years later we see them both as they are and as our minds interpret them to be.

We conceptualize everything, even ourselves. Creatures are cute, beautiful, majestic, and scary because conceptualizing them as such helps us in some way. Our advanced mind-our genes- have used this advanced method of conceptualization to secure our survival; and in the process, grant us personality.

There's more to personality than the aggregate responses to concepts which we hold. How we think of something we experience directly affects how we feel towards that thing, but each of our feelings do not travel through the same exact filtering process on their way towards action. We all use knowledge and reason differently and to different degrees. Why? Because we have different capacities in this regard as well as different temperaments. Temperaments are likely that part of our personality which develop soon before and after our births. To a large extent, our life's happiness is likely predetermined in those early phases of development.

Still, I am excited about the power of conceptualization. Being able to change permanently or manipulate momentarily how we think of things both big and small is an act that holds much promise for our present and future happiness. Do you remember how things seemed so marvelous when you were a child? Yes, much of your excitement came from first experiences and mystery. But not being able to undo all that has been done is no excuse for not feeling those feelings still. There are always more things waiting to be experienced than those things which have already been experienced. And there will always be more mystery than there is knowledge.

More to my point, vibrant conceptualization which children are known for should not be something exclusive to them. It may not be natural for adults to willfully conceptualize themselves and all that is in their lives in any other way than what is expected of an adult, but this does not mean it would not be good to do so.

new post below and on "disbelief" (see link)

The Josh Report, Summer 2007

Recently, when I've thought about blogging, the act felt like something I did in the distant past, in another lifetime; and its not just blogging but writing itself which seems long forgotten. Actually, most days I tell myself I need to get back to the Bible project that I've started on The Reconstruction of Disbelief. I've barely just begun examining the Bible and have much work to do before bringing to light all of the book's shocking and terribly un-P.C. passages. I look forward to getting back to business. But its a different something that's been left unconsidered for too long. Compared to the Bible, the neglected subject is a little closer to home and infinitely more important, that subject being ME.

Everyone is special. Mr. Rogers told me so when I was but a wee lad in a onesy. We all have our unique talents. For example, I don't know of anyone else who is so adept at critical self analysis as me. Undoubtedly, this skill makes me extra special. What makes me even specialer is that I seem to have no qualms about airing my dirty and not-so-dirty laundry with friends, family, and strangers alike. Doing just that is what I'm up to tonight. Let's call it getting back to basics.

Or we can call it the Josh Report: How am I? How are things going? Instead of answering "pretty good", "not bad", or "great" and leaving it at that, I'll go one further and answer honestly; or at least in a more thorough manner, just for posterity.

How am I doing?

I'm not in pain, and I'm so glad about that. I'm feeling relatively healthy. Its a wonder I'm not experiencing big problems with my teeth. I have a broken molar and probably a few small cavities. Still no pain. My back feels sore every now and then but thankfully, unlike what most men my age contend with, it's pain free 95% of the time. I'm capable of intense exercise without any lasting pain or apparent damage to my body. Tonight, for example, I rode Corral's backwards, which includes what I'd call a category 2, 1, and "Beyond Category" climb. I felt great despite the difficulty of the climbs and the high pace I chose to carry over them. For the entire ride (including descending Bogus and riding across town) I averaged 13.3mph, climbed 1800 ft, and traveled just over 17 miles.

So I feel very lucky when I think about my physical condition. No disease, no cancer, no injury, no chronic pain, etc. Millions of people are much less lucky than I. I feel grateful.

Being free from pain doesn't mean I'm completely satisfied with my body. When it comes to the way one looks, I wonder if anyone is ever really satisfied. In concert with the nagging guilt that religions are so adept at infecting the general population with (a guilt which undermines our humble pursuit for happiness), nagging insecurity about the way we look certainly makes the proposition of contentment a rather complicated one.

Taking the proper perspective and attitude, I definitely cannot complain too loudly about whatever insecurities I feel on a day to day basis. Its really sort of cliche. I want bigger pecs, arms, neck, and abs. Look at the cover of the Men's Health or Bodybuilding magazines and you'll find the idealized (or grotesque) version of what every man, including myself, would like to see when he looks in the mirror.

But in a big way, it is not a shallow thing, desiring to be healthy and sexy. Completely ignored, it is hard to imagine a person overcoming negative self image, poor health, and a lack-luster sex life and still ending up happy. Sexual desire and sexual satisfaction are the most natural of forces. Both happen to be dependent upon positive self image. Even if it were accepted (as it should be) that one's value is not determined to any extent by one's beauty or health, it could still be agreed that looking and feeling good are of the utmost importance. There is no denying that our physical appearance has powerful effects on both ourselves and others. Generally, these effects play out throughout our lives (social acceptance and self esteem). Specifically, they can play a powerful role in our sex lives (sparking excitement/passion). The reason I'm concerned about my physical appearance is because I want myself and my girlfriend to feel good both in our relationship and in our bed. I know that while letting myself go, not being clean, and generally making no effort to be attractive would not guarantee that her feelings would change, I still do not take for granted the importance of attraction for maintaining or increasing our bond. And I'm completely aware of how I feel much better in all instances when I feel healthy and look good.

So this all boils down to: Yeah, I ought to work out more.

When it comes to the way in which I live, I have mixed emotions. I tend to leave messes about for fairly long periods of time before I clean them up. I don't feel terrible about this. It would be more regretful if I spent too much time cleaning rather than not enough time because having a clean desk or kitchen is not the most important thing in the world. Still, I can feel disgusted, less content, and mildly stressed in the presence of my little messes. I hope I can very, very gradually change my habits. I say "very, very" because I recognize that this is not something I can expect instant success with. Also, I've considered how having less Things and less room would mean spending less of my time cleaning, arranging, ordering, or finding these Things.

My way of life includes my place of living. I live in Boise, Idaho. Time and again I've been unable to imagine a place more suitable to a quality existence than this little city by the river, nestled against the foothills of a range of mountains. Yet more and more I'm finding the weather to be a source of extreme discomfort. I've become much more sensitive to the heat than I remember being in years past. The last month in Boise has been the hottest month on record here. The town has experienced weeks of 90-100+ degree temperatures. It has put a huge damper on my outdoor fun, and simply makes me hurt. The sun hurts. Needless to say, I am developing some very strong feelings about moving to a cooler climate.

I work too much. Ultimately, I intend on working no more than 32 hours a week. Of course, I plan on paying off debt, saving for old-age & emergencies, traveling, and living well. How exactly this will happen, I am not sure, but mark my words, I will make it happen. You see, this is how I plan on beating the system. The "system" is one in which life is about working to buy things and to support a large family. Constant stress and debt is a part of the system. Abandoning freedom is a part of the system. Day to day leisure, fun, and hobbies are not. Also, "work" which does not involve making money is not a part of the system. If I ever expect to have time for fun and "work"-work which follows from my own unique passions and causes-I simply cannot work for money 40+ hours a week. Furthermore, life for me will not be about constantly trying to catch up financially. It will not always struggle to find time. Paradoxically, some time will have to pass before I achieve these things.

I've got to admit that right now, life is a little more bland than I'd like it. The constant heat is partially to blame. The 40 hour work week is also to blame. Working 4 ten hour days can just about kill those days completely. I'm rather pooped by the time I get off work. One of my three days off is devoted to cleaning and errands, which leaves two days of bike riding, reading, thinking, relaxing, perhaps writing, and engaging in little adventures/activities with Jennifer. Occasionally things will be mixed up a bit when a relative visits (Seth and Jessica have both visited in the last month).

But there's no doubt that when it comes to making life more exciting, I'm the one who holds sole responsibility. There is a void in my life that needs to be filled with special and unusual activities yet to be discovered. I have a vague idea of the type of activities these are, but I'll remain silent until I can actually spell them out. All I can say is that doing so is a priority because mixing it up and having fun is a priority.

This ought to do for now. I thought I might do a bit more soul searching regarding life's goals, but that will have to wait. Till next time...