considering a move

zowie. the look of my blog and the look of blogger is suddenly different. new. exciting! since change is good, new, and exciting, maybe I'll just ignore the fact that I'm failing to capitalize the first letter in each sentence.
or is that "capitolize"?
no, that's ridiculous, forget I asked.
I remember when I was pretty happy getting a GIJoe tank or F-14 fighter jet for christmas. legos were always welcome too, cause I could never have enough wheels or turny-plates in the stash. actually; I think long, wide, and flat pieces were the hardest to come by. did you ever try to build a roof out of a gazillion small flat pieces overlapping? pain in the ass I tell you. well, that's beside the point. the point is, while I'd still love to find Roadblock and his 50mm 'neath the tree this christmas, what I really want is a place of my own. instead of a one time purchase of two dollars and 50 cents, my latest christmas wish is bound to cost as much as $550 a month. think of the Joes a person could buy with that kind of money...just think....
ehhem. I'm a picky person when it comes to the stuff I want. I'm not going to want just any ol' thing. I'd worry that my problem is less of a picky thing and more of a lack of desire thing if it wasn't for the fact that I reallly reallly want the things I want... hopefully you get the distinction. sure, there's a heck of a lot of stuff that I consider "crap" after little more than a sideways glance-certain clothing, apartments, bikes, policies of the bush administration, the like-;but my fondness for the things I settle my gaze upon is great enough to outshine the negativity of my dismissing %99 of what the human race has conjured up till this point. get it? I'm a positive person after all. a positive, yet picky person.
so here's the challenge. so many apartments are crap. so many apartments are in crap locations. so many apartments cost a crap load of money. and what makes it a greater challenge to satisfy this christmas wish of mine is that the apartment I currently live in is fantastic.
reason is not on my side, in my pursuit of the next great living space.
it doesn't make much sense, moving out of an apartment that offers me free internet, cable tv, utilities, exercise room, and swimming pool for a measley $356 a month. why would anyone give up an enormous two story "rowhouse" just minutes from downtown, work, and the grocery store when that rowhouse is affordable and convenient in every possible way? what's my deal? I've got the world's easiest going roommate. The mild mannered Eric is a much better roomate than my previous schizophrenic roommate. Eric's an old friend too.
Well, I want to be even closer to downtown, if not in it. I want to live in an even older building. I want to feel time, history ooze out of its wood, stone, plumbing, and lighting fixtures. I want to feel the spirits of past residents move through the air surrounding me. I want to live where profound things have been happening for a century or more-politics, business, supreme leisure; among the luxuries of big money, and the weight of big ideas. Everything from the shrubbery around its foundation to the accummulation of pigeon poo on its shingles must speak to the age of the building I want to live in.
is it asking too much?
am I being too picky?
so, there's an apartment that just about fits the bill. its the cutest thing I've ever seen. its got a teany tiny kitchen and a miniscual bathroom. there's room to manuever just fine in the living room. the room that matters the most, the bedroom, is big enough to safely engage in bedroom activities. a queen-size bed fits with room to spare. and the cost?: $270 a month plus electric.
the apartment is in the same building (or oversized sectioned off house) as that of my girlfriend's apartment. there's a concern that we both have about the preservation of a feeling of independence-or a relative aloneness in the world-that we place quite a high value on. This somewhat subtle, important feeling is at risk with the potential relocation of me. There are many reasons that Jennifer and I have come up with for not living together, many more reasons than just the preservation of our privacy and finer sense of independence. By moving into an apartment which is literally a few dozen steps away from my girlfriend's bedroom, I gather I'd be choosing to ignore all of those great reasons from seperate housing.
While Jennifer and I's happiness (and pleasure) together (as well as apart), is my number one concern, the danger of becoming too close to each other (spacialy) isn't my biggest worry regarding moving into the apartment. Who knows? Maybe it wouldn't be a deal at all? Due consideration has led me to conclude that it could be a negative deal after all, and I don't like to play around with negativity in my relationship with the Fern. Capice? Anyway, the biggest worry I have is that I'd be miserable after a few months, knowing what I had given up: The space for all my bikes. The space to lay out on my living room floor with my girlfriend. Space for visitors, even parties. The ease of walking off the sidewalk into my front door with my bike. The almost constant quiet.
The 15 second walk to the laundromat.
I wish it didn't make so much sense to not move to that apartment. I guess I'll eventually be glad I didn't when I find something just as cute, just as historic, that's much more spacious.

Titilating Essay

Conspiracy theories are for conspiracy theorists. The boys behind the Bush administration want to keep the middle east in a state of war, poverty, and increasing chaos for decades and centuries to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The liberals in Hollywood won't let up until traditional family values reside only in television reruns of Leave it to Beaver or The Cosby Show. Whatever.

Conspiracy theories and the big issues just don't matter. Individual suffering and malcontent should be our sole concern. Sure; law, taxation, and expenditures enacted by governments will affect the economic and financial health of this country and its people. Yes, welfare programs will bring comfort, stability, and hope to poor children and drug addicts alike. But these sorts of programs are a success thanks to the work of individuals caring for individuals through close and intimate contact. The subjects of welfare, aid, healthcare, and taxation are not big issues in the sense that the problems they seek to remedy are best addressed through the science of persons and not the sciences of ideology, government, international relations, and the like. The science of persons is what we should be concerned about.

I believe this science needs to be consolidated from the wisdom "of ages", from history, and especially from the study of human psychology.

What are some possible axioms of this science? How about, that to be a fully "realized" (self aware) and open to the gifts of this life, certain freedoms must be guaranteed to society. Like those we find in the Bill of Rights. More interesting is the subject of personal happiness. Some axioms regarding happiness might be: Happiness is contingent upon the absence of physical pain. Happiness is contingent upon a positive self image. Happiness is contingent upon positive social interaction. These, of course, are just the beginning of a "science" that I feel could have been useful a long time ago.

Has the goal of happiness ever really been taken seriously? Do churches really care about the happiness of their congregations? Yes; individual priests, nuns, bishops, etc, have infused a sort of humanist approach to their counsil, but religions concern themselves more with a harmonizing of religious ideas and lifestyles for the supreme goals of both "glory to god" and happiness in an afterlife. Religion does not focus on living, and does not take living seriously enough to bother forming a sort of science, or in depth study and application of the factors affecting personal happiness. The "world at large"-including governments and NGOs, both non profit and for profit-have alternative goals which often lead these groups to seek to gain control over individuals (by reaching into their pocket books or winning over their hearts and minds), instead of granting them the knowledge and tools to make the most of their existence.

What are the goals various groups and institutions have for us?? Schools would have us be financially successful, comfortable and familiar with the world around us, confident in ourselves, and free to operate harmoniously with the rest of society. All very noble goals which are conducive to happiness, but the means used are so indirect that one has to wonder if a quality education comes at all close to equalling a science of happiness. Of course, many schools fall short of their declared goals, and seem to be only concerned with making a profit. Consider also the number of students who are depressed. Schools are more than institutions that, for some, will help alumni become healthier and happier citizens. They also challenge students, and ultimately filter out those who can't make the grade. Here, a deeper concern for individuals' happiness seems to be lacking.

A goal that so much of the world has made for us is the purchasing of products. It goes without saying that a product which we chose to buy over many other similar products is not going to solve the world's greatest problem--that of individual emotional malcontent or misery.

Life is good. For me, that is. I don't lack good food or adequate shelter. I don't fear for my life. I'm in good health. I have an intimate emotional and physical bond with someone, a bond that is both healthy and enjoyable. I enjoy the luxuries and entertainment of modern living.

Though I feel a deep appreciation for the good things in my life, I am continually annoyed by things that occassionaly stand in the way of continued and greater happiness. For example, sometimes I feel anxiety. ...I need to do this, I need to do that....I'm not quite the person I want to be...I'm not as accomplished as I want to be...I'm going to have to make a choice or take some action soon...life seems to be going by so quickly...I don't want to end up living a conventional life and doing only conventional things...I don't want to screw up...What if things don't last?.... --those are the sorts of thoughts that seem to make me anxious. Other times, I can feel anxiety that can't be explained. Which is a fact that only causes me more anxiety. In addition to occassional feelings of anxiety, I'm not immune to feelings of self-consciousness or insecurity. ...That was a dumb thing to say...I'm not feeling very attractive today...I think I'm coming across as insecure or self-conscious... --those are the sorts of thoughts that can ruin any chance of feeling fully content at any given moment. Those are just a couple examples of barriers to my own personal happiness.

I should be concerned about the "small" issues. How do I remove my barriers? And, in the mean time, how can I build upon the good I've already got?

We should all be concerned with the small issues. How can we help others find contentment and happiness? What can we do to remove mental, physical, and emotional pain of those who suffer? Many answers and much of the science of happiness exists, its just a matter of gathering it all together, taking it seriously, teaching it, and doing it....

Things We Are Capable Of

Time: Midnight.
Place: My warm apartment.
Setting: I'm eating a pint of Haagen-Dazs cookie dough ice cream; having recently arrived home from the new downtown Edwards theater where I took in the new Harry Potter movie, Goblets of Fire.

Sometimes I marvel over a thought. The sentiment that most often gets my mind running is "wow". I marvel over ideas that really stand out as extraordinary, unusual, nonsensical, or insanely profound. Of course, the subjects might not do the same for others. Sometimes I find it curious that the elementary facts seem to me to be, collectively, some sort of important realization. For example:

There was a time when world leaders swore to never use warfare as a means of solving disputes. There was a time when those world leaders formed great alliances to promote peace, justice, and human rights. A certain universal morality as well as a committment to human progress seemed stronger than ever before. The League of Nations was formed; and later, the United Nations. Yet, not more than a decade or two passed and Fascism became the rule in Germany. Widespread antisematism resulted in the slaughter of millions of Jews. A war of global proportions began. Entire cities were bombed and burned with no regard for innocent life.

Also this example:
With significant increases in literacy and printed material in the "civilized world" throughout the 16th, 17th, and 18th centuries; came, finally, real freedom. Enough objective facts and ideas flooded into the homes of ordinary people that lessons of history and grander perspectives concerning our place in society, government, and the universe enabled people to formulate thoughts and opinions more genuinely their own. The greatest freedom ever gained is the gift of scientific and historical facts in the hands of common man. Thanks to science and history, lies propogated by those who wished to gain power over others were scrutinized and exposed for what they were: superstition or unfounded religious dogma.

During the mid to late 1700s, respect for scholarship in all forms seemed to reach a new level. The body of objective material which directly informed individuals' decision making was finally something truly significant. Careful consideration and critical analysis characterized the period, and served this nation well in its founding.

Despite the clear headedness of the enlightenment, a religious revival followed close behind. People gladly cast all care and consideration aside to offer up their hearts and minds on the religious alter. Men of god gifted in speech whipped crowds into orgy like frenzies. People screamed out from the pain of their sins, threw themselves to the ground, spoke in tongues, danced and flailed around--all in response to the fire and brimstone speeches of yesterday's rock stars--Christian preachers. Thousands were converted in single nights. In this way, Americans threw away the gift of free thought for the quick emotional fix that is religious rapture. Preachers owned their minds by capturing their hearts. Also in this way, Americans of the 19th century chose to ignore history's lessons concerning the danger of religious authoritarianism....

Other things people are capable of doing....
1) Committing mass suicide by drinking poisoned coolade after some space ship didn't come to take them away, like their leader promised.
2) Marrying a man who already has 4 wives because god said it was ok.
3) Believing the president when he says that in order to keep this country safe from terrorists, we need to invade another country.
4) Locking people up indefinately without a trial.
5) Killing others in a foreign land in order to preserve our freedom at home...

Anyway, wow. I can think of one reason to believe that these sorts of things will become less frequent. Perhaps the sciences of psychology and sociology will eventually open eyes...to understand why people believe and do what they do...to understand others...and, thus, see others as themselves, and deal with dissagreement between nations in a wholly different, unAmerican, manner. Or not...

Its insane. The status of my internet connection is so unpredictable. For months I couldn't connect. Now its been a few weeks since I was able to get back on line; but, like, every other day the connection can't be made. Its carazay!

Well now, that was pointless.

There have been a lot of good things happening to me in my life, just in case you were wondering. Its been a spell since I've written and informed any of you-friends, family, and creepy strangers-about the going ons in Josh Land (a land that consists not only of the ground I ride my bike over, but of the light years inside my head which little electrical pulses travel each and every day [...]). For the most part, the good things happening in my world can be blamed on the efforts of two enlightened people who just wanna have fun. Fern and I like to partay and shake our groove thangs every day of the week...er, or until we're broke and can't afford the cover charges. We enjoy downtown Boise in the day for its coffee shops, clothing stores with diabolical "bling bling" fashion accessories, superb sushi and burrito joints, and a plethora of other public and private establishments. We love downtown Boise at night because of its dance club/bars, as well its beeauutiful weather (except for now...and yesterday...and maybe the next 3 months). Yesterday, the sun actually made an appearance long enough for us hike around Table Rock and take in the great view of town. Unfortunately, things have been a titch too cold (and dark) to get out on the mountain bikes much. By the way, day light savings time es no muy bueno. I say let the little kids wait for the bus in the dark. Its cold anyway. Darkness is a slight discomfort compared to being forced to stand in the cold and attend school. We can't do anything to screw with the temperature, so we shouldn't screw with time. Leave the laws of nature alone. Anyway, I wish I could still ride my bike in sunlight after I get off work. I won't attempt to list all the fun things I've done lately. Just trust me. Fern and I haven't let up on that whole carpe diem thing.

I've been having some thoughts that I think are worth sharing and talking about. One thought has to do with a "free-project" approach to life. To remain sharp and content yet largely free to control the activities of our day to day life, we should create projects for ourselves that we are passionate about, and we should be serious about seeing the projects and plans through. The idea might not sound all that life altering and it might end up going nowhere, but if I can successfully implement it, I'll be reaping most of the rewards of a carreer lifestyle but with more freedom and joy.

Concerning some of my favorite subjects of the past, I might revisit them if I keep my internet connection, but for the most part I feel as if I've reached some pretty solid conclusions about things like religion and politics. I kind of enjoy getting riled up about such things, but there's got to be an argument that's compelling enough to get me off my seat and talk. I'd love it if all who read this told me what issue is the most vexing/intriguing to them at the moment. I need a bit of inspiration. Good night.

here it is

photos #3 and #5 show the parts of the car that are in the worst condition. For some reason, the passenger side doors have several small areas where paint was chipped away. Otherwise, the car is in amazing shape. An old lady owned this car for several years, drove it slowly a short distance every day, and the condition of the car is what one would expect given these facts. There are no cracks in the glass and all hubcaps are present. I took the car to a mechanic for a tuneup to ensure that it would start on the coldest of winter mornings. The car started right up after several months of sitting. It is a very smooth operator, it glides down the road. It has power steering. The engine is a slant 6, which is known for its extreme longevity and reliability. I really, really, really love this car. Literally everyone I know had nothing but good things to say about it upon first sight. Alas, I cannot suffer credit card bills any longer. I am committed to paying them off, so the car must go. Leave a comment/question and I will answer promptly.

1975 Plymouth Valiant, pictures

hmm, can't get pictures transferred....need more time

75 Plymouth Vailiant

I will be posting pictures of the Vailant today.