Not About Orgasms

Its tough being a liberal. I can never decide which conservative ideal to stomp all over next. Organized religion, hah! Traditional family values, phewy! The "American Dream", puhleaze! Its all old hat as far as I'm concerned. I don't understand why everyone keeps insisting on being conservative when I settled these issues a long time ago.

Like yesterday, I got in a big debate at work with a customer and two of my coworkers about progressive taxes. I explained very carefully that since the wealthy are able to make and save money much more easily than the poor, there is inherent inequality built into the system which progressive taxes help make right. Duh! But did this fact change their minds. No! As if I hadn't even opened my mouth, they kept insisting that its unfair to tax gazillionares a greater percentage of their incomes than Katrina victims. After all, everyone knows that Bill Gates worked approximately 100billion times harder to earn his money than a migrant worker. If a migrant worker wants to send his children to college, he might just want to "step it up a notch"....or two or three or four.

The debate ended on a sour note, as it always does when I manage to get to the heart of the reasoning behind a conservative's position on any given subject. Usually things boil down to this: People who call themselves conservative don't give a rats ass about anyone but themselves. The world is a brutal place they say. The law "survival of the fittest" is the supreme law of the land. If a particular person or nation is suffering or even dying, well then, that's the way it goes. If a larger percentage of blacks live in poverty, they've only got themselves to blame. Or, many conservatives will admit, and many more will believe, its because blacks aren't quite as smart and well behaved as whites, and that's why so many blacks live in ghettos. So, yesterday, when someone said that he doesn't care about the circumstances in which a person is born, and when he chose the phrase "survival of the fittest", I knew the debate was entering very dark waters, waters which I did not care to enter. There lurked the evil of conservative ideology.

The debate left me a bit shaken. The fundamental nature of conservatism was not a mystery to me, but it had been a while since I confronted the nitemare face to face. Honestly, I kind of thought that I was over engaging anyone in conversations about generalized and polarizing conservative and liberal labels. I'd much rather talk about how orgasms vary in intensity and duration. Or, about how Brad Pitt is Angelina's biatch. Or I'd rather see a movie, or do just about anything else.

I'm just about done feeling superior when I debate politics. I don't quite get the fix I used to. Now, I'm left feeling sad for the heartless conservatives as well as myself, for having engaged in such an assinine exercise. There's no joy in that.

So, I thought I'd write a blog about it. Horray!

Significance

What is a significant thought?

It is likely something that seems important. Potentially life changing. Capable of granting the thinker a deep understanding of something that had for years proven too large or too complex a subject to approach.

I feel as if I haven't had a significant thought in a while. Its not that there are specific thoughts out there that are significant, and that I have failed to discover them. It could be that, I suppose. But, significance is primarily subjective. Thus, if I fail to think of anything that is significant, it likely has more to do with me. Perhaps I just find fewer and fewer things that are, to me, important, profound, original, or revealing.

At different times in my life, different topics seemed important enough to write about.

Like, when I was 9, I remember drawing up a little pictorial in my sketch book of the big events which occured my life. First, there was birth. Then, Mom and Dad divorced. Next, the space shuttle Challenger exploded killing all nine astronauts on board. Finally, our family moved to Utah. And that was life. That was everything I thought was significant at the time. (or all I could remember at such a young age)

Later in life, I began keeping a journal, as well as a "thought journal", in which-you guessed it-I recorded some thoughts that I found particularly vexing or significant. Almost exactly 15 years ago, I wrote: "We're mormons. I've never liked to go to church. We go every Sunday. When I was young, I was a good little mormon boy. I didn't like going but I believed everything I was told and hardly ever doubted. Now I'm full of doubts. In seminary, for example, I doubt a lot of the teacher's points. I think a lot of time she exaggerates or makes things up. Everyone has their own ideas about God and creation. I believe that there has to be a god. I believe that religion and science go together. Maybe our ancestors were apes and god didn't place spirits in our bodies until we were how he wanted us. Its all a plan. He's the cause. He has a force that causes a reaction which in turn follows the laws and facts of science to produce things like the Earth, stars, animals, etc." There's more, but why go on..?

ooo! this is interesting!

I wrote then, "Thought: If we did not have souls or weren't products of god, the only explanation for emotions is special chemicals released in our bodies due to feeling-making circumstances." Its funny. Now, the thought is not at all significant to me. My response is "er, well, duh!". But at the time it was an important thought because it provided a way for me to explain how something could happen (a feeling) without referencing any religious teachings.

Over time, more and more thoughts emerged with an air of significance and graduated with a "duh!", destined to be taken for granted as true for the rest of my life. The older I got, the less seemed significant.

Perhaps in an attempt to spark new life into jaded brain cells, a year ago I decided to briefly write down what I titled, "The Greatest Thoughts".

Number one began, "Life can be anything because there are billions of people living different lives. All that is interesting, enjoyable, exciting, engaging, passionate, and desirous has and is taking place on earth in the lives of individuals. In addition to these billions of realities exists the realm of imagination in which even more life is experienced and created. If we could somehow leave our bodies and minds to enter and leave these other lives at will, we might experience ultimate joy and enlightenment. ..." Yeah, far out, but...

Number two went as follows, "Complete physical and emotional satisfaction would be possible for all if we all understood that we share the same emotional needs and physical desires. If everyone were capable of empathy that transcends societall mores, sex and love would become routine and widespread. There is an ultimate respect between humans inherent in this idea." Kooky too. There's something to this, but there's a lot more against it as well...

Number three of four began, "Societies can be orderly and just without the Bible, the Koran, Bhagavadgita, and any other sources of religious text/dogma. Rules and principles would still need to exist, but great progress in adherence to morals wold take place absent religion, which ultimately belittles and discredits morality in general" (by tying morality to superstition).

Finally, as the fourth "greatest thought", I wrote: "People need to participate in and be more concerned about politics and community at a local level. Everyone should be concerned about improving their communities instead of focusing on the issues of State and Federal government. Attention should first be paid to one's home, neighborhood, and community. People should ask themselves, 'what things can I do to improve the quality of my life and of the lives of the people I live among'" I continued with some mumbo jumbo about the proper role of the federal government being a judicial one.

If we see fairly simple ideas as fairly significant ideas, we lessen the risk of making mistakes as we progress towards some sort of enlightenment/true perspective. If a significant thought later becomes a "duh!" thought, we can rest assured that we considered it fully before moving on to bigger and grander subjects.

ha ha...?

This is sooo funny. Ha ha! A couple of days ago I spent an hour writing a blog explaining why I would not move. Even now, I look around at my apartment, at all the room I enjoy, and my two matching pieces of cream colored italian leather furniture, and I laugh, because I just handed in my application to rent the small apartment which I said I would not rent. There will not be room for my two matching pieces of cream colored italian leather furniture in this new apartment. Hee hee! I'm feeling a bit mad, for having made the decision I made. Mad, like the mad hatter...

Nevertheless, its time for a new chapter in life, I suppose; and if this new chapter happens in the same setting as the last, well then, my story could be pretty boring. Change is good. A challenge is good. I've never lived completely on my own, yet I've always felt a bit alone within my living arrangements thus far, so I don't think the new joint will feel that barren.

I'm feeling a little wacked out, physically. For two days at work I've breathed toxic air because a heater motor burnt out. And it is my time of the year, isn't it? Like its most people's time of the year...when they're more likey to come down with some bug or another. That said, there's not much more to be said. 'night.

Snow Disking

I've got to say that after today I feel much better about myself.
I've always thought that the love of playing that we had as kids is something everyone should desperately hold onto for the duration of their lives. Its such an ideal that, if anything, we should become better and better at play as we get older. So, even though I was tired and grumpy crawling out of bed at 7:30 a.m. on my day off, I'm glad I did. Jennifer and I met up with my friend Travis, his wife, and kid to go sledding on Simplot hill.
Before the event, there was some business involving the aquisition of sleds which Fern and I had to attend to. We walked through the aisles of Walmart and Fred Meyers scoffing at the idea of sledding down a piece of property that most likely would have no more than a skiff of snow blanketing its supple grass. We rolled our eyes at the cost of a "Wammo!" sled. $7.00? That's crazy! We laughed at the proposition of sliding down Simplot hill on a four dollar piece of blue plastic that looked like it could double as a cutting board.
Well, visiting two superstores on a Saturday morning was plenty for us-nothing's worse than spending hours traveling from store to store in search of something as uninspiring as the perfect piece of plastic with handles. We each ended up buying old fashioned concave disk sleds. Not quite the classic American Flyer or the state of the art "Wammo!", but comforting in their familiarity, being a type of sled I used as a kid. (other childhood sleds are: collapsed refrigerator box and large blue tarp. the rich kids had intertubes.).
A winter miracle was in progress as we made our way to Simplot hill. Snow was falling and sticking. By the time we made it to our playground, the snow coating the hill surrounding the Governor's Mansion was at a measureable depth. Not a skiff, not a trace, but a good 1/4 inch! And kids were sledding all over the place. We spotted Travis and Co., said hi, and proceeded to trudge our way skyward.
My skepticism regarding the functionality of my sled over shallow snow and grass went poof! as soon as I sat on the disk. I instantly took off down the hill. Being several years out of practice, I was unable to pilot my disk in a forward-facing trajectory, and spiraled backwards. If there was a little tike in front of my path, he was mashed potatoes. There was no kid but rather a hole in the ground that snatched my disk from underneath me and sent me sprawling. Ahh, the joy of lying in the snow, warm as a bug in a rug, breathing hard from exhiliration. And that's how the fun began and how it would continue for an hour and a half.
I fell all over the place this morning. Just like a kid would. And I'm 30 freaking years old. I didn't break a bone or pull a muscle. That's one reason I feel better about myself. Its good to know I can fall and tumble around like I used to, with minimal bodily damage. Another reason I feel better is because I managed to loose sense of my age almost altogether. The stupid stuff that adults seem to care about--not looking silly, wearing only name-brand winter gear, engaging only in adult recreation, not expressing too much enthusiasm for child-like activities--were no concerns of mine. I consider this fact a sign of maturity.
Oh, right. I did invent a new sport today. What you do is stand up on your disk and slide down the hill. You try not to fall over. Its a blast. I've already got plans to modify the disk into a longer, leaner, board like shape, and place foot straps on it in order to gain greater control. I don't know, I think it might catch on.