West Coast Choppers

There are some things that are lame and then there are some things that are really lame. An example of a really lame thing is shameless artificial ego building through fast food self identification. You know what I'm talking about? Say you're a dude. Like a lot of dudes, you feel good about yourself when you feel like a real man-someone tough and fearsome and definately dominate over all females in your life. You're also constantly nagged by this insecurity regarding the fact that there are so many other dudes out there constantly trying to undermine your status as a tough mutha. They're trying to be tougher than you. They might even want to take away your herem(?). Ok, so, say you're this classic american young dude, out to prove something, out to be the "baddest" of the bad. How do you bolster your image? How do you be who it is you need to be? Well, if you're like a lot of american guys, you take yourself down to Walmart and buy a couple "Orange County Choppers" t-shirts. Or, perhaps, a Nascar hat. Maybe you prefer the Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt. Whatever. What if you happen to have a little more money, and you need an ego fix, something that tells you that you are badder than other guys? You purchase a Harley, grow a handlebar mustache, and get some tats. Or, you could buy a hummer, or a Cadillac Escalade, or...you get the point. See folks, this whole entire muthafuckin tough guy on demand world is the cheapest, lamest, n' dumbest source for finding a personal identity. Its like rolling up to the drive through menu board of a fast food restaurant and selecting a few random brand names. "Yeah, mkay, I'll take one Eminem burger, a Porshe 911 shake, 2 sides of The Rock, and a Heritage Soft Tail pie." Geesh. I guess I'm saying that everyone's effort to be a badass male is so obvious, and so not based in any sort of intelligence. We are trained to see specific products as the stuff of the tough, fearsome male, and so many gullibly do as they are trained. They buy the stuff and adopt the image. The image was made for them...they had NOTHING to do with it. Its like if a guy walked into a store and said "Me Tarzan, Me king of jungle!" and the store proprietor, having fully predicted his visit, sells the customer a costume that coincides perfectly with the guys primitive desire to be a dominate male. Its the same costume he sells to every other guy.
inyweigh, gnight.

On Seriousness

A few days ago, I wrote a blog warning all readers that I would soon be taking up the subject of seriousness. Since then, I've been acutely aware of the, um, eccentricity of the blog and the promise of additional related bloggage. To explain, its the uniqueness of the idea that grants me any motivation to write about seriousness at all. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

I've thought that the difference in mental states between a person who is not serious (say, joking around) and someone who is very serious (say, arguing with a significant other) might be just as much of a difference in mental state as someone who is "normal" and someone who is a genuine psychopath. Yet its human nature to have such enormous shifts in mental state from serious to unserious hour to hour, day to day. Does that observation make sense? I'm simply noting that our shifts in mood between seriousness and nonseriousness are much more extreme/interesting/noteworthy than society generally treats the concept. Its something of a non-issue in contemporary thought (atleast as far as I know), but I'm inclined to believe that there's much we could learn by examining the idea and the psychology related to it.

I'll also observe that ideologies based on religion, social order, etc seem to arise out of an uber-seriousness that I'd claim is neither justifiable nor entirely sane. The uberseriousness that secures the life and longevity of certain ideologies is the same type of uberseriousness that lies at the heart of war, murder, divorce, etc. I don't mean to simplify phenomenon controlled by a myriad of factors, but I don't think the seriousness which causes rampant fatalistic perspectives leading to violence on any scale can be excused as normal or justifiable.

How about some elementary examples of what I mean by this type of seriousness? See if this illustrates the idea:--Most Christians are anti-abortion. They believe abortion is a sin. You MUST NOT have an abortion. Abortions are EVIL. SERIOUS consequences will befall those who have an abortion. God HATES sin, and PUNISHES sinners.--Ok, so Christians take sin very very seriously, and they tend to take abortion in particular very very seriously. Their mental state, if made manifest by facial expressions, is a furrowed brow, glaring eyes, tight, pouting lips, stubborness....mentally, I'd claim that seriousness is something that closes the mind as opposed to opens it....it is a mood that inhibits thinking and narrows options for action. The mind feels heavier, darker. I'm trying to work out the subtle characteristics of the serious mental state. So, there's an example and an illustration. Here's another example: A husband and wife arguing. During this event, everything said and many things not said are taken extremely seriously. As a result, both sides tend to exagerate what is at stake at that given moment. Both sides risk everything to preserve their pride. This silly concept, pride, is a child of seriousness and equally irrational. Sometimes, when things get really out of hand, one or both arguers might act as if life itself is on the line. Of course, this is a product of loosing oneself in seriousness. I've heard people say that they would die or kill if someone left them...you know, that sort of thing. In the most extreme cases, physical violence erupts out of arguments in which seriousness has taken complete control. Just like cases in which anti-abortion activists bomb abortion clinics, spouses have hurt or killed those they loved because, in large part I argue, of a mental state, a disease, if you will, which takes root and grows-a disease that is a type of seriousness. Anything that infects the minds of people, say, muslim extremists; a thing that compels those people to either close down their minds, lock those minds in a dark mood, or commit acts of violence, deserves to be called a disease. Conservatives show signs of this infection. Some like to say that the world is "going to hell in a handbasket." They are so serious about this life-primarily due to their beliefs about God and the afterlife-that many are willing to brush away reason and do whatever is neccessary see to the promotion of their agenda. (this is supposed to be an extremely general statement with no specific conspiracy theory or the like in mind. I'm simply observing that there ARE ideological interest groups out there actively promoting societal change through politics, litigation, and the media [christian right, zionists, communists, capitalists, etc, etc].)

So, no, very little of this seriousness which breeds ideology as well as violence has any support in reason. Religious seriousness, including extremism, is passed down from generation to generation, despite the glaring absence of any reasonable argument for believing God exists, wills what religions claim he wills, or has specific plans for us after we die. You would think that a people who claim to love freedom so much (Americans) would not so readily sacrifice that freedom to something that unquestionably serves to control their lives and minds--that something being religion; and, as I'd like to conceptualize the more fundamental force at the heart of it all, this mental state called seriousness.

I believe I'm expressing a sentiment/idea related to the one John Lennon expressed in "Imagine." He says imagine there's "nothing to kill or die for, no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace." Also, he would like us to imagine that there's no heaven or hell, "imagine all the people living for today."

Anyway, I'm getting away from the micro aspects of the subject, mainly the psychology involved in seriousness and non-seriousness. I know it might sound inhuman to deride seriousness so much. After all, seriousness is not only negative. Love and passion are serious emotions, right? And even if seriousness is the root mental state of negative mental states and possible violence, aren't those things a part of being human? Is it right to try to control our natural tendancy to take many things in life very seriously? Well, yes, I think it is right. I think we DO need to rid ourselves of insane, irrational aspects of our mental state (I argue that excessive seriousness is such an aspect), and strive to live life with our minds perpetually perceiving and conceiving lighter, more enjoyable thoughts.

What of love, passion, romance? If someone laughed when they told you they loved you, or said it in passing, would it mean anything? Don't we want someone to look us in the eyes and tell us soberly and honestly that they love us and always will? This is a tough one for me, because I've always thought of myself as a romantic (no, really)--that is, someone who takes love very seriously. In the same vein, I've always enjoyed more serious subjects, like politics and philosophy. I've been a pretty serious person most of my life. Recently I've come to the realization that it is rather stupid to take things too seriously (even subjects I enjoy); I mean, to get caught up in something to the point where it becomes emotionally draining. (as occured to me at some point during the buildup to the last election) Basically, I came to the conclusion lately that if something doesn't genuinly effect the quality of my life, it doesn't deserve to be taken seriously. The quality of my life DOES involve some serious things, like staying physically and mentally healthy/sharp, like love and friendship, like surviving. And those things could conceivably constitute a lot to be serious about. However, I think that the best mental state to adopt for tending to these aspects of life is, well, intelligence combined with good humor. If you handle the more important things in life with intelligence and patience, they should go your way naturally, whereas if you handle them with extreme seriousness, you're bound to find stress build up unnesseccarily.

I can't help but think of Jean Luke Picard, the Captain of "the starship 'Enterprise'" when I talk about seriousness. I'm a big fan of Star Trek the Next Generation. Jean Luke, I admit, is a very attractive character, primarily due to the way he conducts himself. He's extremely confident and well manered. He comes across as a very serious guy. Yet he's the perfect example of a character who is first and foremost intelligent, reasonable, and patient. His seriousness does not arise from an irrational commitment to any certain ideology (I've seen him violate the "Prime Directive" atleast twice, that rebel!). His "seriousness" is almost synonymous with intelligence--he's committed to searching for the best answer or resolution to a problem. Otherwise, the man's alleged seriousness is actually the manifestation of real enjoyment when it comes to "seeking out new life, and new civilizations." To me, being serious about enjoyment, about really "living" life, is one of the only forgiveable types of seriousness. Because if you are serious about this, then you are bound to not be very serious at all.

Finally, I just thought I'd brag a little about how superbly unserious me and this girl I know have managed to be for over 3 months. Someone said that we appear to be a "fun couple". Now, I think I know what that person meant by that--we have fun, joke around, and generally exist in a state of good humor when we are around each other. We are serious about having fun and seeking out quality experiences. Unfortunately, there are so many couples out there who are not "fun couples". They allow their negative moods infect their relationships with seriousness. They let things become personal. Pride becomes a catalyst for contention. Its really a shame. I'm not saying that I will never screw up and do or say things that negatively affect my relationship with this girl, but we both seem to have a core understanding about life that I feel is best for fostering good humor and enjoyment.

mkay, this was a little more generalized than I'd like, but I think I succeeded at getting my core idea out there. I'd need to do some research--even clinical studies--to have much more to say about the mental state behind seriousness. What causes it? --nature or nurture? Are some people born with a more serious disposition than others...I know that if anything seems to be obvious from observing babies, its that some are more good natured and outgoing than others...which I believe is related to seriousness... Also, I did pose a challenging question regarding the positive side of seriousness. What kinds of seriousness are good, and in what way? As of yet, it remains unresolved. I think the answer lies in greater differentiation between the types of seriousness---they rightfully shouldn't fall under the same name at all---kinda like the Eskimos' many names for snow, more terminology would allow us to differentiate unique mental states. anypotatoe, bedtime. goodnight.

This Little Piggy...

Last night I dreamt that four toes on my right foot had fallen off. I think I had lost a couple on the left foot as well. Something so shocking as looking down and seeing only one stubby toe wriggle when all toes are commanded to wriggle is cause for doubting what one is seeing. And I did doubt. I was a responsible dreamer. And intelligent. Not gullible at all. As I gauked at the grotesque stump that was my foot, I considered the possibility that I was drunk, insane, or even (eh hem) dreaming. I said, dreaming. But, upon closer inspection, I concluded that yes, that grotesque stump was in fact my foot, and that, yes, it was %100 real, and, finally, yes, I was truly fucked. I was so convinced of this fact that I proceeded to think very rationally about the whole affair and how it would affect my life. I thought about what would have caused the toes to leave my body. A particularly nasty type of diabetes, I concluded. I thought about whether or not I would be able to walk, run, or hike like I had been able to when I was whole. To find out, I stood up and did a few jigs, side to side sort of motions, and found that while I wasn't able to push off each foot as purposefully as before, I was able to balance and move around well enough. I thought about where the toes were now and realized that my room was a little messy. They could be anywhere. Under my dirty clothes. Within the pile of shoes next to my bed (uhg!). Under my bed. In the sheets (ahk!). I also couldn't help but wonder if my girlfriend would still be my girlfriend after she got a chance to take in the horror of it all for herself. I thought rationally about this. Could she lie next to a freak o' nature with 5 toes, total? Could I, if things were reversed. I remember thinking that maybe after 4 months, Jennifer might like me enough to want to stick around, despite the fact that her boyfriend was a grotesque cripple. But I wasn't sure. What I was sure of, evidently, was that this retarded dream wasn't a dream. It was real. I was so convinced of this that I remember thinking about how loosing my toes most certainly meant that this thing called life was accelerating towards death much quicker than I had expected. I thought that at this rate, I'd be one of those living stumps recklessly piloting his electric Rascal around town in a few short years. So, naturally, I told myself that I'd need to start thinking about offing myself fairly soon.
At some point, I woke up, wriggled all ten toes, and felt very silly about the whole thing.

On the Subject of Microsubjects

How serious is this?
--That's a pretty serious question. It implies that there is something that we're all equally conscious of, that can be referred to in a semi-specific manner, as in the current case, with the word "this"; we'll automatically understand the weight and character of "this." This is life. But its more than that. Its this moment. Its how we live it and the following moments.
When someone writes something like what I'm writing now, I can imagine a collective flush of embarrassment or an uncontrolled increase in anxiety among readers when they realize that someone is making an attempt at saying something profound. --because, well, really, who can write about "life", "happiness", "spirituality", "politics", etc, etc without sounding very very very dumb. I'm aware of that phenom. Also, I'm all too aware of how boring and pointless discussions about these subjects can be. I know that we are simply incapable of taking such generalized subjects and manufacturing any thoughts about them that haven't been manufactured a million times over already. Blame it on the subjects. They just aren't conducive to intelligent thought. The subjects are like a series of paintings from a "master" entitled "Night and Day." All the paintings are half black and half white. The series is 1000 years old, countless books have been written about it, old art critics have gone to their death bed locked in bitter contention with other critics regarding the meaning and significance of the series. But, to this day, nothing of any truth can be said about the paintings, except that they were painted by Fernando Whatshishead and that they are half black and half white.
Still, there are times when I enjoy extremely simplistic art. Not because I think that throwing some paint around on canvass indiscriminately is a great achievement or that its pleasant to look at, but because, under the right circumstances, such art (or thoughts) act as a key, a trigger, for the mind. Something basic, simple, is more likely, in my opinion, to open up doors in our minds (making original thought possible) than complex ideas or works which we've trained ourselves to gaze past. Here's a reminder (since I know this is written hastily and with absence of skill): The analogy I'm trying to draw is between simple art and core ideas like Seriousness. I think subjects like "seriousness" or even "happiness" can actually transcend their traditional cliche-ish pigeon holing and actually be fun and interesting to discuss. We are not talking about how George Bush is going to destroy the world as we know it. Its not the weather either. Its a micro-discussion of something that is even more fundamental than the subjects most amateur philosophical discuss. In the next few weeks, I'll act on a couple of tendencies I have and see where they take me. In writing and thought, I'll take up micro subjects like seriousness and dissect them even further. We'll see if any new doors open up. Oh, c'mon guys, it'll be fun!! yayyy...

feel my pain

The thing about pain is that when your in it, there's nothing much else you're capable of thinking of about. Which sucks, because if the last few days of mind erasing pain left me with any viable memory of before the pain, its that before the pain, things were almost splendid. The past is fuzzy now, but I'm pretty sure that life consisted of a certain amount of pleasure and some level of anticipation. I think I was going to start getting really active. This girl I know bought a bike before the pain hit, and we rode together just enough to know that we were going to enjoy it more than two people should be allowed to. Oh right. I also think that I was looking forward to a period of not living paycheck to paycheck... ((this post should be atleast three times as long, but, um, blame it on the pain, whoa is me!! there's always editing later on))

oh yes, twice in one day

This will be the second blog I post today. Uh huh. That's right. Twice in one day. Normally, once is enough, but sometimes its fun just to try to do it again. And I don't know if you're aware, but it can be so much better the second time. No promises though. I'm not yet sure that I've got anything to say.
Happiness. The older I get the more I realize that its something which is completely intertwined with our mental health. My previous conclusions about the subject of happiness came down to something like: Happiness is dependent upon a positive self image. AND: Happiness is best secured through near term planning (as opposed to dwelling on the past or worrying about the distant future). So, now, I'm back to thinking that its more complicated after all. You can't be happy all the time. Of that much, I'm certain. In fact, feeling other less-than-happy feelings may be critical for being able to feel quality happiness later on. I still partially believe what someone asserted before, that happiness is found in moments--that is all we should hope and strive for, we shouldn't be dissapointed if we do not feel happy almost all the time. That said, I've come to realize that a higher level of happiness can be sustained beyond mere moments. (have I said the word "happy" enough yet??).
With this review, I return to the main point, that joy in life (didn't use "happiness") is more dependent upon our mental health than I previously thought. "Well duh!" is an understandable response to that, my main point. I'll narrow my thoughts. We worry, right? Worrying is a purely mental phenomenon that has all kinds of effects on our behavior, and can even effect our physical well being. Now imagine some alien race which is characterized by complete control over its mental state. If worrying is deemed irrational by these aliens, then they simply refrain from worrying. They would see humans as crazy for being plagued by this mental disease--this worrying. What other examples are there...? There have been times when I've had a difficult time sleeping in bed with my girlfriend. We are fairly new to this sleeping together business. We are slowly becoming more comfortable--both physically and mentally--with the act of lying next to each other and falling into a deep relaxing sleep. Why we do not fall asleep as easily and as soundly as we do when we are by ourselves can be a little difficult to understand. Personally, I sometimes become overly aware of myself, if that makes sense...and then become overly aware of her...if that makes any more sense. I can't say that the phenomenon is really all that different from run-of-the-mill insomnia. Therefore, I feel as if I can say that my mental state, on those nights when I feel like an insomniac next to my girlfriend, is not 100% conducive to happiness. Insecurity is another example of a mental state which prevents us from feeling as happy as we'd like. Being in a mental "funk" is also counterproductive to happiness. A "funk", for me, occurs when I feel like I have very little cognitive/imaginative/emotional energy. I'm sure its not so unusual. For me, I enter a "funk" once or twice a week. Our mental health might not be ideal either when we are over or underexposed to socialization. Personally, I can become "distracted" by too much input from too many people or things at one time. On the other hand, there can sometimes be a need for additional socialization beyond that of one or two friends.
To sum up. We're all human, so we neccessarily have less than ideal mental health. Like Seal once said, "we're all just a little bit crazy." How we go about becoming less crazy, less insecure, less worrisome, more energetic, and have more control over all those irrational compulsions/barriers of our mind is a subject of great interest to me. Because being the most alive doesn't mean just, say, bungee jumping from a bridge. It means being emotionally free and cognitively energetic enough to REALLY ENJOY that jump. The subject of how we make these sort of improvements to our mental health really is what some would call "Psychology." anywho... speaking of goodnight sleeps....bye

A Distant Ramble

Oh dear god I feel a ramble coming on. I might write about activities I performed yesterday, the day before, or the week before. Then again, I might spew some thoughts regarding "life" in an extremely generalized sort of way. All such things deserve a little print, er, air time, er, cyberspace, er, yeah; but let's go ahead and start with last evening, shall we? I road my mountain bike. At any given moment during this event, you would have found, not far in front or behind me, another humanoid pedaling its very own knobby tired, multi-geared bicycle. Normally, such phenomena are not especially noteworthy, as the trails outside Boise, on good days like yesterday, are literally crawling with life forms doing fun, active things on the dirt. Verily, the pair of riders, of which I was onehalf, and the ride which they were riding, is noteworthy. You see, I was riding with this girl I know, and it was her first ever mountain bike ride on Boise trails. It was also a noteworthy phenomenon because she was on her very own mountain bike--the first of its kind, and only a few days old. (I think she named it "Gary") Ok, another reason the ride was noteworthy: She was having fun. As was I. Another reason: She was riding well, with complete control and just a little flo'.
I can hear the faint whisper of a professor in my ear saying, "Josh, but what of the ride's greater significance?" Hmm... So the bike ride was noteworthy, that much has been established; BUT, the question is, is there any great significance underlying the event? Well, for me, the whole thing wasn't unlike watching a baby take its first confident steps. ...hmmm... greater significance? I'll give you greater significance. As humanoids, we've got two arms and two legs. These appendages help us out with a lot of stuff. Like; walking, crawling, hiking, running, lifting, jumping jacks, somersaults, swinging from trapeze, what have you. But our arms and legs as they are arranged along our torso don't REALLY allow us to do anything THAT cool or THAT amazing all by themselves. We are still puny humans who try desperately just to maintain speeds greater than 6 miles an hour consistently. We are lucky if our bags o' flesh n' bones are capable of transporting us more than 15 miles a day. And this over fairly level terrain. So here we are, pitiful little creatures, flailing around, moving unnattractively all the time with very little effect. (and usually with very little fun) If only there was something, some tool, that could serve as an extension of our body, which would grant us great new powers. Imagine. Instead of struggling to maintain 6 miles an hour for an hour or two on our two stumps, what if it were possible to travel 2-3 times that speed for well over 2 hours? What if there was something we could place between our thighs and attach to our hands and feet which would turn the crude motion of our limbs into the embodiment of Pi--The Circle. If anything is divine in this universe, it is the circle. Its geometric equation has no end. Its form is the reacurring form of space. Stars, planets, galaxies--they all take the shape of the circle. Imagine if each of us could harness its cosmic power. Imagine!
You know where this is going... Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the crowning achievement of man: The Bicycle. No longer must we crawl around like ordinary, less superior life forms. Now we can fly along on the wings of the circle!! The news is out folks! You can purchase your own Bicycle today and rise out of the dredges of mediocracy. With just 4 circles (two wheels and two gears) beneath you, you will move more efficiently, burning less energy, than any other man made creation. You may travel across town to work with nary an effort, if you so choose. Also, if you'd like, you may begin pumping your legs with force, reving your internal engine, burning the fuel you may have stored in various bulges, and slowly morphing into a Superyou. And this is possible with no catastrophic impact to the places where your limbs join.
Ladies and Gentlemen, ride the circle. Let the circle take you there. Let it be your guide to new and wondrous places. Ride the circle.
Ok, ok, ok. now there's throw-up all over my desk and chair. (are you happy now internal professor? you wanted significance, and I gave it to you. now look at what's happened. everyone reading has thrown up a little in their mouths, if not all over their computer) I should stop with the circle bit and clean up.
Back to the ride last night. It was cool to see my girlfriend riding with me and enjoying it. It was cool to see the progress that she made in the short time that we rode. --end.

Eating instant oatmeal

Since moving to Boise in 96, I've experienced what it is to be flat broke a couple dozen times or more. Here are some things that I've come to associate with being really truly broke:
1. Counting and wrapping all the change in my house (including that found in seat cushions and garments not worn in months); or,
2. Taking coins to Albertsons and dropping them into "Coin Star."
3. Eating instant oatmeal, rice, cans of vegetables, or any other item that's always ignored and relegated to the dark recesses of my cupboards during times of greater plenty.
4. Pouring a big bowl of cereal in the morning, as I normally do, and having a fit upon finding that I'm out of milk.
5. Doing number 4 more than once.
6. Having passing thoughts about exchanging CDs for cash at the Rx--rarely actually doing so, and then, only when I honestly have no love for the CDs.
7. Asking friends who owe me money to give me that money asap. Even if it had been months since the money was borrowed and the whole thing was nearly, and rightfully, forgotten.
8. Borrowing three bucks or so from a coworker and buying an insane amount of food at Winco for lunch. (cheap food like; bagels, potatoe salad, avacado n' tomatoe sandwhiches, oriental bowl of soup, tuna, cutie pies, etc)
9. Eating powerbars and the like at work for lunch and writing IOUs to cover the cost.
10. Long hair (as getting a haircut becomes nothing of a priority).
11. Splurging when I finally cash my pay check.
12. hmm, lists are fun and all, but time for a bike ride...